Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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