Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
