WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i will never coherently bang her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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