oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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