Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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