That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
