it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
