I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
