There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need a beard to bite.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
