the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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