ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
