Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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