You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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