Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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