I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
