Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
