Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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