Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
