y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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