That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
