he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
