The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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