well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
