Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
