a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
