I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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