My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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