I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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