i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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