you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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