then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
