I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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