I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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