I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
