No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
whose parrot is this?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
