I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
