I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
