Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
