I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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