I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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