so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
