She is in my trunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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