A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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