she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
