Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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