if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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