I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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