we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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