Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
