he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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