put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
