Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
