i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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