Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
where am i from again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
