i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
