you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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