he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
