Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
