I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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