In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
