So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
