super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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