my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
