i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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