just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
