Christians are straight up FREAKS
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
