i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
