Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
