I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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