Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
