Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
