I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
